What in Bachelornation was this episode? It was only one hour, and we saw just one of the three women’s dates. The only thing that stayed the same this week was our confusion and annoyance with Nick.
Last week we left off with Andi randomly showing up before what was supposed to be a normal rose ceremony. We never figured out exactly why she was here, so we’ve been waiting this entire week to find out. Is it to profess her love to Nick? (Unlikely.) Is it to give him advice? (Probably.) Is it to tell Nick how many bad decisions he’s made on this show and how tired we are of watching him? (We hope so.)
Well, after an entire week of waiting, turns out that Andi just wants to find out how things are going. How’s Nick doing? Is he feeling alright? In good health?
After that anticlimactic and slightly pointless conversation, we finally arrive at the long-awaited rose ceremony. The four remaining women, who have been standing outside shivering while Nick had a nice little chat with his ex, are now feeling the heat.
Nick gives the first rose to our country girl Raven, and the next goes to Rachel. Chris Harrison enters to tell Nick and the women that there is one rose remaining. Thanks Chris, but we have eyes, so please just let Nick get on with it. Corinne and Vanessa are the only two remaining, and the tension is palpable. Nick slowly picks up the rose, and after a long pause: “Vanessa.”
As Corinne immediately starts crying, we’re left wondering whether or not it’s too late to return that $3,000 outfit she bought for Nick last week. Nick walks her out, they share a hug, and we honestly start to feel bad for Corinne. Once inside the limo, she begins to rant about how she’s never going out of her way to impress a man again. Yes girl, you tell him!
However, Corinne quickly returns to her old self when she tells the camera crew that it’s time for a nap. As she closes her eyes for her last siesta of the season, we can’t help but be thankful for possibly the most satisfying closure we could have asked for.
The last trip of the season takes Nick and the women to Finland. Nick describes the grandeur of Finland as “the most Northern place I’ve ever been.”
Nick’s first and only date of the episode is a dinner with Raven. They basically just play darts and discuss a topic that is unfortunately too inappropriate for us to publish.
As they sit down to dinner, we can’t help but notice Nick’s overwhelmingly fuzzy gray turtleneck. It looks like it might swallow him up right then and there. From shoes on the beach to illegally short shorts to this atrocity, we might want to have a conversation with the Bachelor’s stylist.
At dinner, Raven crafts the most eloquent speech we’ve heard since the Gettysburg Address. Except she’s not professing her love to America, she’s professing her love to Nick. Nick puts it well when he describes it as “one of the best professions of love I’ve ever heard.” Even though he puts it this way, Nick is about as unpredictable as Oregon weather, so we’re finding it hard to believe him.
The date ends with an invitation for Raven and Nick to stay together in the fantasy suite, the only night during the season without cameras. Pretty sure the word “forgo” has, in the history of the English language, only been spoken on this show when they choose to “forgo” their separate rooms.
That’s all for this episode. Check back next week for our recap of a THREE hour Bachelor special! It’s gonna be a long one, folks.
Andrea, Josie, and Natalie