The main event of Monday’s episode was the infamous “Women Tell All” segment. Get ready for this one, Saders. The drama is almost too much to handle. Sit back, relax and stay hydrated as we do our best to condense it all for you.
The first task we must face before watching this segment is remembering everyone who’s gotten sent home. Obvious favorites like Danielle M. and Kristina remain fondly in our memories, but if you asked us who Elizabeth and Lacey are, you’d be met with a blank stare.
Facing the large panel of angry females, even we are a tad bit apprehensive. This particularly explosive season may be too much for even I’ve-hosted-this-show-for-twenty-seasons Chris Harrison.
Before we can even blink, the topic of conversation quickly becomes Corinne. The ladies are sure to refresh us on all the Corinne outrages of the season: the naps, the naps, and the naps, with a little bit of Raquel thrown in there. Honestly, having sat through this entire season, we’re pretty used to Corinne’s naps and can even relate. Jasmine apparently cannot, as she claims that “babies take naps.” Call us babies, then, but it looks like someone doesn’t know how to enjoy life.
Some girl named Elizabeth (not Liz, Elizabeth) chimes in, and we are furiously searching through our notes to find out if we’ve ever seen her before. Elizabeth calls Corinne a “slob kebab.” Iconic. When’s the diss track dropping? #bars #slobkebab
Once Elizabeth moves on to Taylor to let her know that her argument with Corinne showed she wasn’t exhibiting behaviors worthy of a decent mental health counselor, the girls explode into overlapping exclamations. Chris Harrison literally whistles to get their attention. God bless that man and his patience of saints.
The first guest in the hot seat is Liz. We’re shocked to learn that her vocabulary consists of more than “Jade,” “Tanner,” and “wedding.” Liz explains herself, and her reasons for coming back on the show. She gives a speech on finding yourself and that women deserve love, which doesn’t relate to the topic at all, but it’s a nice speech.
Taylor takes the hot seat next, and confronts Corinne about the insults she received during their arguments. After rambling on for a bit about Corinne’s lack of emotional intelligence, Taylor claims that Corinne’s words had an extreme and direct impact on her. Honestly, Corinne calling Taylor a “swamp monster” had a lifelong effect on us too, but not for the same reason. We’re just still wondering, weeks later, what a swamp monster is.
Taylor can’t find support from the other women either. Apparently she came off as stuck-up in the house. Upon hearing this, Taylor cries. Corinne goes to get some champagne.
Before Corinne can polish off her glass, she gets called up to the hot seat. She’s surprisingly lowkey, admitting that her actions on the show were not well thought out but simultaneously not apologizing for them. She’s definitely not relenting when it comes to the naps, which we appreciate.
Corinne goes on to hit back at Taylor for supposedly saying she wasn’t smart enough for her. Taylor finally relents, still in tears, apologizing for hurting anyone. She also apologizes directly to Corinne. Long story short, Corinne doesn’t have to apologize for anything. Nice.
Chris Harrison moves on to our favorite topic of the season: Raquel. Raquel has apparently prepared a ton of cheese pasta for the entire audience. We’re thoroughly impressed, and hungry.
Kristina’s turn in the hot seat is pretty uneventful, and then Nick arrives. A girl named Lacey asks Nick if he friend zoned her. Honey, he sent you home, so… probably.
Kristina makes up for her lack of drama in the hot seat by completely grilling him about their relationship and why why he sent her home. As Nick gets attacked by more and more women, we have to take a break from the TV for some water. We’re not made for this drama.
Then it’s Rachel, who has long been announced as the next Bachelorette. Her gracious attitude and winning smile make us really excited for this next Bachelorette season. She is “honored” to be the next Bachelorette, which is nice to hear since Nick blew every chance he had to be an honorable Bachelor. She seems a little more rational than Nick, which we need desperately.
And that’s it for us this week. Next time you’ll see us, it’ll be the SEASON FINALE! If we’re being honest, we’re ready for it to be over. Time to find Mrs. Viall, that is, if Nick doesn’t just send himself home.
XOXO, Andrea, Josie and Natalie